My dearest pucky.
I know you’re gone now, and apparently you didn’t suffer any pain thanks to the medicines.
This morning you woke me up at 4 am and I stayed up with you, I knew it was our last day, and what scared me more than losing you, was the idea that maybe I never showed you how much I loved you.
I wanted you to feel like I really loved you, because I did.
During the past 3 days that’s what I did. I took care of you, I cleaned everything, I didn’t complain, because it wasn’t any work for me, I wanted to be there for you the most, whenever you wanted to cuddle, I would pick you up and cuddle you for 3 hours so you could sleep.This morning I read to you, I sang, I talked to you about the day you were born. I was there when you came to life, I’m sorry I wasn’t when you left, I was unsure of what to do, part of me rather had you dying in my arms, and then part of me tried to save you. In the end, I just wanted you to get better.
So I guess you did. With all this, I just wanted you to feel my love, I know I have problems to show my emotions, I taught myself I didn’t need them, and now after 7 years it works perfectly fine for me. But I always tried to make sure, to show my pets how much I cared and loved them, you loved me so I loved you back.
I just saw you 20 minutes ago, laying there, the life was gone, and you were just there, your body, I wasn’t scared though, mom started to cry when she saw you, but I didn’t. Because to me, you were just sleeping, at moments I could swore you were breathing, but I know you weren’t. I kissed the top of your head, because to me, it was the same dog I had all my life alive or dead, it was you.
The heartbreaking moment was saying goodbye, because I was leaving you behind, but even to a corpse, I tried my best to show I still loved it, I caressed your head and kissed it as if you were alive.
I might be crying right now, but it doesnt hurts, it didn’t hurt me seeing you laying there. I guess, I could say I tried my best, until the very end. And all I hope for, is that you felt loved.
I will always love you.
Mi pucky.
Please, talk to me tonight… I really miss you. Please, I will try my best to help too.
(Source: ohh-meex3)
